you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
