Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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