we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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