I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
