I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
