Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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