Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
