The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
