she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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