sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This baby is an asshole
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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