I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
