she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
