Don't you send me to vm
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I believe in your delicious
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
