some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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