You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
