I wish I could punch you in the face.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
