I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
