you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
