Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
