operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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