What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Shame - the story of my life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
