Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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