I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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