does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
