I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
