woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
