do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
