Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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