My liver just broke up with me...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She bit a glass in half.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
