i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
