He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
