So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
