I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
