oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
