oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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