dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
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She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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