dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
