wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
