Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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