4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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