Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
