ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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