Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
