I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
