I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
