It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Randomize
