Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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