Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
