franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize