Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
