I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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