im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
