By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
