It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
