I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
