he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
