i think my tv is drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
