i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
