why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
