i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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