I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
