She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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