I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????