my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.