If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
