I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls