I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.