my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.