i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
