Umm I'm too high to move.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
