hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
