Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
