So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
