i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
