So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
