dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
