She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
