Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
