But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
please come you make the beer taste better
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
