Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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