If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
