Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
