five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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