you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
