So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
