Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
