the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
