How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
